thunder, waves, i am trying to remember everything that i am
i contain many tiny silly things.
the very nature of my existence is superfluous: nothing new, nothing worth looking at. unfortunately, this existence is more of a curse unto others than a problem for myself. i'm saying that because i exist—because i'm alive—you can see me. you are forced to listen to me.
if a tree falls in the forest and no one's around to hear it, then does it make a sound? even when it hasn't fallen, it makes a sound. all things, once they exist, are burdens on this universe.
i want to draw but i’ve never enjoyed it as much as i should. it’s a source of bitterness because i still haven’t found my niche. i just doodle everywhere because that’s all i can do. all i know how to do.
i keep cutting my bangs. i need the excitement and stress (the stakes are high…)
the only things that i can rely on are music, tetris, and the silly skinner box mobile games i play. and also dumb purchases like blue silicon soap dishes, grass jelly milk tea, uniqlo t-shirts, and books i haven’t the time to read.
i feel like i need to hard reset my brain, and i can only think of one way to do it, which is to get really drunk and sleep for a whole day.
i snack to stay sane. sometimes i forget to eat meals. i'll eat half a bag of chips and call it dinner. do you understand me? it's a metaphor.
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXDZiPbvIK4&t=93s
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYYjMbzLtWw
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoJ0pfhMmfU
- https://vimeo.com/123613550
- http://sh-meet.bigpixel.cn/
- https://div12.org/dropping-out-of-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/
- https://smashthewalls.com/