okay. so i realized maybe art isn't for me. i know i made that silly little ghost video
last year but it was just to make the prof feel bad. make everyone realize academia is still inacessible to many. maybe not everyone thinks the way you do. maybe i get anxious about unmuting myself. maybe i hate writing reading responses.
i also made a video about some fucking weird dreams
fucking weird dreams i had. i thought it was pretty good at the time, but did it really mean anything?
1. creating personal work makes it hard to differentiate between what is considered work/art, and what is the artist themselves. writing or making things about personal stories and experiences lets others see you. when i present my work for critique, i am essentially also presenting myself up for critique. is this story enough to move you? have i succeeded in making you sad? please don’t invalidate my experiences by telling me this is a bad piece of art/work. this (myself) is all i can offer you.
2. what makes someone an artist? if not the celebrity artist surrounded by glamour and defined by excess, is it the tortured, suicidal long-suffering studio apartment artist? is it when the museums and galleries accept you? is it when your instructors say you’ve graduated? the status of artist shifts and seems impossible for me to grasp. i don’t think this label (or any, for that matter) suits me. the “artist” is an attainable as achieving divinity.
3. if my work and i are equivalent, and if “artist” and “god” are both impossible ideals, then the next step in the thought process was this: how can i make art (as a non-artist)? how can i become art? how can i become god?