early 2020
Anyway, I went to the library last week and got two books, and finished them in two days. Which was nice, because that meant A) I still read fast, and B) I should get more books. It’s a nice way to fast-forward a few hours, since when I read I kind of don’t exist anywhere except for between the pages (if it’s a good book).
How can I maintain the identity of self that I’ve built while also being the child I’ve always been? Small issues like that are what I’m fumbling with. Sometimes I find myself unwilling to argue a point with my family that I would’ve previously been overeager to do. Similar to something I’ve thought about previously: where am I truly from? Is there one place I can tie my identity to? Some people choose a few places to define their identities, but even that’s not sufficient. I suppose that’s why I like the idea of a wanderer, or an amorphous blob that migrates with the seasons. Well, again, none of this really matters. It’s a fun little shower thinking exercise, I guess.
ヤツメ穴
Anyway! Summer! It’s coming, but much like everything else, I can’t really tell. There’s not much in the foreseeable future, which is a funny thing to say considering none of the future is currently foreseeable. Will I dream of something spooky again? What will I have for dinner tomorrow? What should I draw? Will something good happen? It goes on.
I’m in limbo right now, trying to figure out if my current state of existing is an extended childhood nostalgia-filled daydream or just another unexpected part of moving forward. That’s how life is, right? Just keep moving on, going forward; your mistakes are just stepping stones or bridges, and death is waiting at every corner. I used to marvel at that idea, but just like all my thoughts, I got tired of mulling it over. So what? I go forward because that’s the only direction I can even go in.
to feel something...